A Shackelty Belt Alternative

Can't get enough of that "D"?  Does the idea of a shackelty belt rub you the wrong way? BUT you still don't want to have children out of wedlock?  Get  your girl parts carved out with a pumpkin scoop instead!  That's right just get yourself a hysterectomy!!! BUT be careful, many medical "professionals" do not want to give hysterectomies to girls in their early twenties as a form of birth control.  This can be worked around by using any Dr. you find on the back of  regional magazines, or a quick trip to Mexico (great place for street tacos too). 

 

BE EXTRA CAREFUL THOUGH...  make sure that your doctor or "de-vaginator" as they are officially called, remembers to put in the retention mesh responsible for keeping the rest of your organs in  your body.  Otherwise the first time you're on a trampoline your insides will become your outsides via your most intimate girl parts.  and believe me, it is difficult to get your entrails stuffed back up through that (relatively) small opening! (I'd write more, but I really have to go poop)

 

 

 

SHACKELTY BELTS

I am good girl with modern tastes and conservative sensibilities.  Sometimes guys just don't get the hint. For those "sticky" situations I always like to wear my Shackelty Belt!  Especially on long romantic hikes with my man on hot days with a lot of elevation changes.  They are a little expensive but cheaper than giving birth to bastard children.

 

 

I reccomed the Everlast, Shackelty Belt TOTALLY,  worth the extra cost! (mine is pictured below)

 

 

 

NOT A SPRINKLE... but a story about almost ejaculating in the back of a car....

Have you ever eaten SOOOO much Mexican food that on the way home from the restaurant that you felt like you were going to ejaculate in the back seat of the car?  UGH... so frustrating, but worth it. 

Why is the ocean so salty? I WILL TELL YOU!!!!!

Did you know why the Oceans are soooo dang salty???  There are many unproven theories, but I know the truth!!!!  It's because of all of the whale sperm!  It's shocking but true, think about that the next time you are washing your hair after a day at the beach!

The WINDSHIELD factor!

Even though spring is here, don't forget about the Wind-Shield factor!  This is directly related to the ambient air temperature, when it gets so cold outside that when you are driving your windshield will frost and crack!  This information is readily available on your local morning news weather report!  Pay attention everyone, save the $$$$ and the headache, purchase a good windshield warmer!

EAR CANCER ALERT.

MAKE SURE YOU HOLD YOUR PHONE AT LEAST 6 INCHES AWAY FROM YOUR HEAD. DON'T GET EAR CANCER!!!!!